Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
