i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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