: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
