wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
