I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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