'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
