you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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