wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
