lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
