My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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