It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
