i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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