So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
