How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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