guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize