Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im six kinds of drunk right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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