Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
