Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am one with the molecules
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
