I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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