i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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