I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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