New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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