i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
