8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
