I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize