Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
