i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
