he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
