i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
