@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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