Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
