OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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