Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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