He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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