The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
