I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
