So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
