we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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