Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i've created a new STD.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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