Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
