im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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