dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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