Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
