I looked at my own cervix.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
