Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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