5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
