I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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