You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
