she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
