And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
