We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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