Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
