New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
