...so i touched it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
