I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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