it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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