im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
