how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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