then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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